Beth McCabe (rugbyluver1981) wrote in selfinthemirror,
Beth McCabe

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new to community

I'm 23 and have been dealing with body image issues since I can remember. No matter how skinny I get, I am never satisfied with how I look. Also, I've been battling bulimia since I was 11. Things are much better now than they ever were, but how I see myself is indicative of potential setbacks. Maybe someday it will no longer be an issue. Until then, I walk on eggshells everyday.

It's just nice to find a community of people who understand how I feel. Sometimes I think that life will be better if I could be thinner. But even when I do get to goal weight (and inevitably I go back up 10-30lbs.), my life is no better. I want to be content with what I have, to appreciate what I achieve (in weight loss), and to stop worrying about how everyone else looks.

I hope this community will help.
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I don't struggle with bulimia, but I was anorexic in high school. I did my body damage dieting when I was a teen. I'm fortunate that I didn't continue in those ways, because I'm sure that I would have done more damage. That was many years ago. I still struggle with body issues, even in my old age (I'm 46), but I generally feel pretty good about myself. I have just gotten to the point where I realize that other things in life are SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOOKS.

Such as:
Using my brain
Being there for my loved ones
Seeing the beauty around me
Cultivating my talents
Sharing my life with another
Enjoying good food without feeling guilty!
Eating healthfully and staying active

Whenever I find myself dwelling on the fact that I'm not thin, I force myself to think about all the interesting, beautiful, and good things in my life. I will also think of a heavy person that I know who is beautiful, interesting, and smart. I remind myself that if I can love them, then I can love myself, too.

All of this doesn't keep me from trying now and then to lose weight, but I diet responsibly (usually with weight watchers) and I don't starve myself like I did when I was younger. I know the damage that can do to a person's body (I think of Karen Carpenter). And I don't want to live in a constant state of self-deprivation, not enjoying LIFE.

I don't know if my story helps you at all. I guess I just wanted you to know that there is hope, and you can recover from an eating disorder.

Thank you so much. I hope that someday I can finally beat this THING. As I'm getting older, I'm learning how to better deal with food and body issues that trigger my bulimia. Knowing that others have beat it is so reassuring.

THANK YOU!!! :-)