thruhellforyou (thruhellforyou) wrote in selfinthemirror,

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This is my first post in the Community 
I have a really unhealthy body image, and I know this. There are certain days I hate my body and others I love every curve. I started playing rugby in September , for my college, and lost 15 lbs in only a couple of weeks. ( 2 hours practices 6 days a week will do that to you). I didn't even notice until I went home from break and my pants were falling off my butt, and that people at home were commenting on how skinny I was. Even though the season ended, I still was active about as much going to the gym, walking everywhere and eating healthy as I always did which a weakness for chinese food. But this is how my journey to this post started.

I obsess over everything I eat. There are certain foods I love that I won't eat because of the calories (Goodbye Fried Chicken and most cheese). Everything that I have with me at school is either low fat or weight watchers. Mushrooms have all but replaced my red meat intake. I eat a salad with almost every meal and my basic staple is sushi and trail mix. Before my weight loss I could care less that I ate after 9, or that I had more than 100 calories for breakfast.

There are certain parts of my body I hate, like my belly and thighs for instance. My boyfriend, while we sleep, loves to cup my stomach with his hand, which while making me feel safe, makes me hate the fact that my belly fills his palm. When I lost the weight I did, most of it was in my butt, which left me with a small butt but the fat thighs to match the huge butt.

The problem with all of this is, is that if any of you saw me on the street, You would not consider me heavy or even chubby. Many of you would probably consider me tiny. I am 110 lbs and 5'2", only a size 3. Even when I was 15 lbs heavier, I was in my normal weight range. But then I was fine and happy and carefree when it came to my weight. I don't know where I got this from. I want the only me back.
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